ROMEOVILLE—It’s a special time. Families are reunited and traditions are rekindled. Decorations adorn houses, worship places and other buildings and landmarks. Carols are played on the airwaves, in shopping centers and homes. But, the joy usually associated with the Christmas season can be difficult for those who have lost loved ones.

A member of St. Francis Xavier Parish in LaGrange, Charlotte Hrubes has been helping facilitate programs for widows and widowers for more than two decades in the Diocese of Joliet. The Christmas season is a time when many find it difficult to cope with the loss of those close to them, she said, referring to her experiences with the Joyful Again retreat program, a national bereavement initiative. The diocesan Center for Family Ministry sponsors the program aimed at resolving grief.

In a Dec. 14 telephone conversation with the Catholic Explorer, Hrubes drew from her understanding of grief to offer some practical suggestions for those handling the Yuletide season without their loved ones. “Don’t try to get everything done that you usually do. It’s OK to skip things. But, don’t shut down completely,” she said.

It can be awkward to gather with friends and family members after the passing of a loved one, said Hrubes. Many find it difficult to talk about the deceased person while conversing with the individual or people who were closest to him or her, she explained. People “tiptoe around” them, she said.

In the end, the person who is grieving should bring up the name of the loved one, asserted Hrubes. “This gives the others a chance to relax and feel free to share stories,” she said. Some stories might evoke sadness and others might bring joy. “It’s OK to show vulnerability.” Tears and laughter are “very healing,” she added.

At the same time, Hrubes said she often encourages friends and others who live near those who are grieving to contact them in the days or weeks leading up to Christmas or during the week between Christmas and the New Year. “Those are very hard times,” he said. Family members are often present for the actual holidays, but typically they are absent prior to Christmas or the days afterward.

Dominican Sister Denise Glazik, pastoral associate at St. Joseph Parish in Bradley, suggested that those who are mourning the loss of a loved might want to scale back on decorating or engaging in other Christmas traditions.

“Ask for help” from close friends and family, said the nun, who visits seniors in hospitals, nursing homes and residences. And, “It’s OK to laugh and have fun,” Sister Glazik told the Explorer.

Meanwhile, it is up to the individual to decide when he or she is ready to begin celebrating the season as fully as in previous years, said Sister Glazik. That might not ever happen, she said. “Grieving is grieving. There is no timeframe.” She emphasized, “You never get over it. You go and get through it.”

Grieving is simply feeling sorrow, said Sister Glazik. On the other hand, mourning is an outward expression of grief. Both are essential when it comes to healing following a death, she said. “It takes a lot of courage to mourn.”

Sister Glazik said she often encourages mourners to write letters to their deceased loved ones as a way to cope with feelings of guilt and regret. “It’s a way of getting outside of ourselves.”

She suggested that prayer is an ally in the battle to manage one’s grief. “It’s very powerful.” Sister Glazik added, “God is our constant companion.”

Mary Ann Burns, bereavement coordinator at the Joliet Area Community Hospice, told the Explorer the loss of someone oftentimes works to bring others closer together. Many come to realize that it’s more important to spend time with family and friends and help others than hanging decorations and wrapping presents, she said. “It shows them what’s really important.”